Counselling & Psychotherapy in Crawley, Handcross, Haywards Heath & Online
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are - Anais Nin
Hello, my name is Nicola Hare dip.couns.mncs(accred). I am a fully qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Crawley specialising in anxiety coping strategies and reduction. I also work with a variety of presenting issues with individuals and couples over 18 from all backgrounds. This includes work with the LGBTQ+ community, specifically supporting parents of children who are struggling or self-harming and fall under this umbrella.
I use bodywork and creative intervention for clients who have experienced trauma at an early age or who find it difficult to put their feelings into words. This helps to access and process early or pre-memory trauma and is best carried out face-to-face in my counselling room in Crawley, Haywards Heath or Handcross rather than online.
My main modality of psychotherapy is Transactional Analysis which offers a wealth of different ways we can work effectively together with your presenting issue.
I have worked as a volunteer with West Sussex Carers Support and in bereavement counselling with St. Wilfrid Hospice.
If you are new to counselling and psychotherapy, I understand you may be nervous or have questions about the counselling process. If this resonates with you please feel free to call for a very informal chat to help you decide if counselling is right for you at this time.
I offer counselling and psychotherapy in Crawley, Handcross, Haywards Heath, on the phone and online and use Transactional Analysis to inform my work with new, temporary issues as well as longer term or repeating issues.
If you are looking for a counsellor in Crawley and are new to counselling it is completely understandable if you feel nervous or have questions about how it works. If this sounds like you, please call for an informal chat. One common theme I have found with clients new to therapy is the fear of the unknown or what they might 'have' to say. Please know you absolutely do not have to talk about anything you do not feel comfortable talking about.
It is normal to oscillate between feeling open and wanting to share, to taking a step back, I support this and encourage you to go with what feels right for you in any given moment.
Areas I work in as a counsellor in Crawley, Handcross, Haywards Heath & Online:
Anger It may feel as though controlling outbursts of anger is impossible but it is absolutely possible to learn how to cope with anger, frustration and rage without acting in a way that is detrimental to yourself or others. Acknowledging you want to make a change and need help is a great first step. Talking through feelings and thoughts that occur just before an outburst can help slow the process down between impulse Read more
Anxiety Experiencing anxiety can feel OK, or it can feel as though you are having a heart attack and can't breathe. It can be nothing more than a useful cue from your body, or it can be an overwhelming, debilitating experience that affects all areas of your life. Why do people experience anxiety so differently? I have worked successfully with a number of clients using Read more
Attention Addiction Learning how to get attention is part of survival in the human species. In other words, it is normal to want or need attention. This need can become greater to the point of addiction and lead to distress, low self-esteem and attention seeking behaviours. While to others these behaviours can look like a choice, often it feels like life or death Read more
Bereavement Losing a loved one is a deeply impactful time and each and every one of us experiences this uniquely. There is no 'one size fits all' help through this time but there is help out there. I trained in bereavement counselling and provided counselling Read more
Bullying The school playground is not the only place bullying behaviour can be seen. The work place, friendship groups, family members and online are all places where bullying can be occur. Wherever it is taking place, it can leave the victim feeling very distressed. Bullying can be overt or subtle, a one off incident or a long term campaign. If you are struggling to cope with bullying that is going on right now, or is in the past, if you feel powerless or victimised, counselling may help you to cope or to move on from your experience
Bulimia Asking for help for bulimia can be difficult as it is often a secret coping mechanism that can bring on feelings of shame. Fear of losing your coping mechanism alone can make asking for help difficult as can fearing you won't be understood. It can feel as though you are the only person in the world going through this but Read more
Burn-out Do you always have to be busy doing something? Does it feel as though you have never quite done enough? When you are trying to rest, sleep or switch off do you feel guilty or distracted? This can leave your nervous system exhausted and over time affect your physical and Read more
Carers Caring for a family member can be very rewarding. It can also be very demanding and sometimes leads to resentments, loss of your sense of identity, isolation, guilt and burn-out. All of these can deeply impact both the carer and the cared for. In my work with West Sussex Carers Support I provided counselling for Read more
Childhood Issues / Trauma We form beliefs about ourselves, others and the world from ages 0 - 7 that affect how we function in adulthood. We may not even be aware of what they are, or why we have the difficulties that we have. Trauma during this time can affect how your brain and nervous system develop, how you perceive and deal with threat and how you see yourself and the world. Trauma isn't always in the form of abuse or a big adverse life event. Parents who argued Read more
Chronic Pain & Health Conditions Living with chronic pain and health conditions can impact all areas of your life and lead to depression or feelings of resentment Read more
Co-dependency Having excessive emotional dependence on another can be detrimental to your well being and to the health of the relationship. It can cause behaviours that may sabotage the relationship or you can lose your identity Read more
Complicated Grief There is no time frame for grieving a loved one, however, it is possible to become stuck in the grief process. Inability to accept your loss, feeling numb, dissociated or unable to grieve long after a loved one has passed can be a sign Read more
Couples Couples therapy can help with communication and intimacy issues, trust issues, emotional distance and affairs and infidelity. Couples come to therapy to help decide if they want to work out their issues or if they want to Read more
Depression Most people feel down or sad at times as temporary factors influence our mood, or we have experienced loss. Depression is different in that it can last weeks or months and affects Read more
Exploring confusing feelings Sometimes people seek help through talking therapies without a goal or change in mind. They come instead to understand and improve confusing feelings that are hard to put into words. Exploring your feelings can lead to understanding them and feeling better. This is where the use of body work Read more
Isolation You can be alone and not feel lonely, just as you can be in company and feel alone. There are many different scenarios that cause people to feel isolated. Perhaps you are experiencing an issue or situation that you feel you cannot tell anyone Read more
LGBTQ+ Hello, I am cisgender, and my pronouns are she / her / hers. The idea of normal equating to being straight and identifying as the sex you were born is something I would like to see change. This is because by default, we are saying anyone who doesn't fit into this box is not normal, and this is damaging. Feeling othered in society can lead to a myriad of challenges and causes of distress. 45% of young people in the LGBTQ+ community reported Read more
Low Self-esteem Feeling as though you have little control over your life, comparing yourself to others, people pleasing, and having lax boundaries are signs of low self-esteem. This could be due to a temporary knock or due to beliefs formed in childhood that you hold unconsciously. We tend to reinforce beliefs such as Read more
Over-eating Emotional eating can be a difficult cycle to break as often you can be left with feelings of regret, shame, disgust and unhappiness. These feelings can lead to an increased need to repeat Read more
Counselling & Courses for Parents Parenting is one of the most difficult yet rewarding jobs we can have. If you are dealing with mental health issues this can affect how you parent. Being emotionally available, role-modelling healthy coping mechanisms and Read more
Pre-Memory Trauma Trauma that occurs before the age of around 2.5 years isn't remembered in the way we remember events that happen later than this age. That doesn't mean the trauma hasn't had an impact. It can be remembered in the body and can affect brain and nervous system development. It can affect trust, connection, ability to cope with stress. In fact, trauma Read more
PTSD & CPTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur after a one off event. It is more to do with the individual than the event itself. Talking about the event as soon as possible can help your brain to time stamp it as something that happened in Read more
Sexuality If you are questioning your sexuality and feel confused, it may help you to talk this through in a safe, neutral and non-judgmental space. Questioning your sexuality is so individual and personal and you may not think of yourself as being under the LGBTQ+ umbrella which is why I have added a Sexuality section. Not everybody goes from non LGBTQ+ to LGBTQ+ and not everybody has to have a label but everybody deserves to be heard and to have support in exploring all aspects of themselves
Self-harm Self-harm is a coping mechanism that your brain has come up with to help you cope. You may not know how else to cope with sadness, stress, anxiety, shame, etc. These are all big feelings and we aren't necessarily taught Read more
Shame Counselling There is a difference between feeling ashamed of something you have done, and feeling shame as a go-to feeling about yourself. The first helps you to modify your behaviour to comply with social morals. The second can be a very isolating and distressing place to be. Shame tends to gain momentum in the dark and Read more
Stress We need a certain amount of stress. As mammals, we use stress to keep ourselves out of danger. Once the danger has passed our nervous systems should switch back to a restorative, content mode. We tend to get stuck though in the stress response and, unable to come out of this state, this can be distressing, causing us to react rather than Read more
Sudden Change Moving house, redundancy, losing an aspect of your health, these sudden changes either expected or unexpected can shake the foundations you had set up to keep yourself safe and comfortable, leaving your anxious or feeling vulnerable. If you are struggling to cope with a sudden change in your life, short term counselling could help you through this difficult time
Suicidal Thoughts Suicidal ideation can range from having thoughts about suicide to help you feel as though you have a choice during difficult feelings but you don't intend to do anything about it, to having an intention to take your own life. It is important that you have a safe place to discuss these feelings. Seeking help sooner rather than later is advisable. Talking to your G.P and seeking counselling can help you cope with thoughts of suicide however, if you have started to make a plan, please do not wait. Please speak to somebody immediately and consider speaking to The Samaritans
Trauma If you are struggling to cope with a traumatic event either from childhood or more recently, counselling and psychotherapy can help you to begin processing trauma, and time stamping it as something that happened in the past. From this point you can start to look at the ways your trauma is affecting you and start to heal from it. This tends to be longer term work and is better carried out face-to-face than online where possible
Unwanted Habitual Behaviours Alcohol, sex, food, shopping, gambling, drugs, withdrawing, snapping at others, watching T.V, duvet days, self-harming. There are many behaviours that can start off as a distraction or a way to avoid negative feelings and end up as an addiction that is damaging our health and happiness. There are different ways to Read more
Life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change - Jim Rohn
Looking for a counsellor in Crawley but are new to counselling?
Please get in touch if you would like a safe space to talk about whether counselling could help you at this time and to arrange a free Zoom or phone call session.
For counselling and psychotherapy in Haywards Heath I am based both centrally near the train station and in Borde Hill.
Appointments are available for counselling in Handcross.
If you cannot make it to any of these locations or would prefer not to travel I offer counselling online and on the phone.
Please note that I am only taking appointments for counselling and psychotherapy in Haywards Heath on Mondays and Tuesdays.
Crawley and online appointments are available on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.
As a psychotherapeutic counsellor in Crawley, I belong to NCS (National Counselling Society) and UKATA (UK Association for Transactional Analysis) and I attend regular supervision and CPD for best practice.
Behind Every Behaviour is a Need
Whether you are snapping at loved ones, reaching for a favourite bad habit like smoking or drinking, seeking affairs, or hiding under the duvet, there is likely to be a need behind the behaviour you wish you could kick.
It can be frustrating partaking in behaviours you regret after and it is too easy to pile on the shame or beat yourself up for it. Shame and regret often leads to worse self esteem, more stress, and a higher chance of click here
If you are suffering right now or struggling in silence, you may want to consider offloading in a safe space with a counsellor in Crawley or online. Talking can lessen the intensity and normalise your experience. Read more